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11/29/2016

Mindful Communication - Speaking

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”I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and to relieve them of their suffering”  
​~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Mindful Speaking is a skill that can be cultivated in each one of us.  We all have much to say, whether its our own internal dialogue or dialogue with another person. The question to ask is: Are we aware or do we pay attention to when, how, and why we speak? Before speaking, can we consider: Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it true?  These questions can be used for all speech. When I’m talking with my mother, my clients, my friends, partner and even the lady at the grocery store checkout, I have an opportunity to practice asking myself these 3 questions and apply the practice of the following mindful speaking tips.  What has deepened my own mindful speaking practice is not only establishing a formal mindful sitting practice to observe my own thoughts, feelings, sensations, and breath, but also during my informal practice and daily activities, remembering to pause in that space between stimulus and response, so that I am grounded in awareness and better able to recall what is most essential and beneficial for mindful communication. I am not a mindful speaker all of the time, nor is it always an easy process, but nevertheless, its a continual process allowing each opportunity of dialogue to be as if its for the first time, without judgment of self or other. 

​Here are some mindful speaking tips we can use in our daily mindful speech (borrowed from Joseph Goldstein's Mindfulness: A Practical Guided to Awakening; Adapted by Nina Bhatty): 
​1. Be Clear in the message we want to convey
When we are clear in our thoughts, we are better able to speak the message more clearly.  Take a moment (if possible) to allow ourselves to pause before speaking, so we know just what we want to say 
2. Speak Slowly
Slow down the speed of our speech so that it does not contain aggression. We don't need to rush along or slow down too much. Keep an attitude to regard words as precious. Appreciate the potency and power of speech
3. Enunciate Clearly
Enunciate; speech is well composed with a beginning, middle and end.
Have some kind of cohesiveness as to how we speak to others so that their mind is not disturbed, or perturbed. Words have power. Speech can be a precious jewel that we give to another person for their benefit, or it can be pollution
4. Be Concise
Simplicity of speech that isn't simple minded communicates more powerfully than elaborate and overly complex sentences and words. We are not on stage. There is a particular art of not excessively vomiting words—being functional, ideal and good. Functional talking at programs is not just to make people quiet, but to bring out the power of words
5. Listen to and Observe Ourself
Listen to oneself without judgment or fixation. Listen to: How we use words, jargon, the slurring, how loud, soft, fast and slow. Notice the impulse to speak and where it comes from, perhaps wanting confirmation from others. Notice also the emotional tone we are feeling and where the correlating sensations may arise in the body
6. Listen to and Observe Others as they receive our speech and when they speak
Listen to the words of others: what does it tell you about who they are; what are they communicating with body, speech, and mind. Listen not only to what they say but what they don't say, how they communicate with body language and emotional tone
7. Use Silence and Pause as a Part of Speech
Regard silence as an important part of speech. Put space around your words. As mind opens to more and more space one begins to appreciate what is communicated by silence, unadorned with words. Silence is not necessarily a sign of cowardice
8. Remember to be Mindful of Breathing in and out as we speak  
When we breathe in and out mindfully as we speak, we allow the breath to serve as an anchor as we become grounded in the body and can therefore stay more mindful of our speech, body sensations and emotional tone

Author: Nina Bhatty
Please feel free to share your thoughts or concerns in the comments section below.       Let me know if you find the article helpful, challenging or even remotely impossible - in any case, your comments are very helpful to me, as well as anyone else who reads the articles. 

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6 Comments
Sam M
11/29/2016 06:39:59 pm

I never thought of the never-ending dialogue with myself...haha! For me, the biggest challenge is BEING mindful when I am speaking so I can practice the tips. But I assume at any point during dialogue, when I become mindful, I can practice. Thanks, Nina - these are very helpful and look forward to connecting soon
Sam M.

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Omar
12/4/2016 06:53:15 pm

Its amazing how we begin to notice not only what we are saying, but the intention behind the messages we are conveying, right? I find these tips helpful and will be reviewing them so that I can practice both for self and with others in dialogue.
-Omar

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Chitra
12/4/2016 07:04:48 pm

Great Speaking tips, Nina!!!! I will definitely be printing and use these daily. I'm amazed at my mind...but trying to remember to not judge and criticize myself.. I'm very thankful for your articles as well as your support on my practice.
Chitra

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Shelli P.
12/4/2016 09:04:53 pm

I feel like I day-dream through my waking life - not paying much attention to what I want to say...always talking fast (in fact, I'm typing this fast...and am reminded to s..l..o..w down and be aware of my inner dialogue). It is so ironic how awake I become, if/when I can only remember to be awake :). I need reminders. Any suggestions for that?
Love, Shelli

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Elena
12/20/2016 03:44:02 pm

What I realized while reading this is - what a gift to be able to speak and communicate! I feel so grateful to have a voice. In my earlier years, I was very shy and withdrawn. As a young girl, I didn't feel that what I had to say really mattered (thats another story for another time). As I matured into a young woman and went to university, I found my voice, literally and figuratively. Now, I've found mindfulness through you and its an even bigger gift. Thank you so much Nina for all you do and for introducing me to the mindful journey. I can't wait to see what comes...
Elena

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Gus Luna link
4/12/2019 11:42:14 pm

Poor communication is the root cause of unwanted hassle and austerity. So, you have to be an effective communicator in order to become a successful individual. An individual who has mastered the art of communication knows how to build a reliable connection with the people around him. Automatically, it leads to success inside and outside of the organization. You can learn to actually listen, learn to create a non-judgmental ambiance for your colleagues, and learn to actually see problems objectively, by being a mindful communicator.

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