Mindful Communication - Listening

"All that has been integrated into Mindful Communication has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions."
 ~Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., Founder Center for Non-Violent Communication 

​One of the most important questions that adults and parents I work with asks is, "how can I better connect with my child or partner?" They add that a lot of the time, there is conflict that begins with communication and that they often feel they are in a monologue with self, rather than a dialogue with the other; there is a breakdown in both listening and speaking, which creates irritation, judgment, blame and often dis-connection.  My response is  - we have to begin by looking within...and inquire how we are listening. By turning the mental-emotional compass inward, we learn this is where the focus should be. Only then can we begin to have real communication with another. 

Mindful Listening in Communication is so deeply powerful and empowering, we learn to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. This week we will focus on Mindful Listening in Communication with another.  Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others--Mindful Listening helps us discover the depth of our own compassion. This language reveals the awareness that all human beings are only trying to honor universal values and needs, every minute, every day.​  

Through the practice of Mindful Listening, we can learn to clarify what we are observing, what emotions we are feeling, what values we want to live by, and what we want to ask of ourselves and others. We will no longer use the language of blame, judgment or domination/control.  We can experience the deep pleasure of contributing to each others' well being.  Mindful Listening creates a path for healing and reconciliation in its many applications, ranging from intimate relationships, work settings, health card, social services, to governments, schools and social change organizations - just to mention a few. 

Here are Some Mindful Listening Tips we can Reflect on and Practice: 

1. Pausing: Can we allow all faculties - mind-heart-body to be present in this moment as we listen to the other intently
2. Observing: Can we take notice of the emotional tone and where the feeling sensations land within the body as we are listening to the message conveyed 
3. Joining:  Can we surrender all pre-conceived judgment, labels, beliefs, etc. and meet this moment and other just as he/she is
4. Opening: Can we listen with curiosity and without frequent interruption or objection
5. Responding: Can we be willing to hear what’s being said without an internal or external habitual-based reaction or turning the table
6. Accepting: Can we accept the message without imposing, resistance or denial
7. Respecting: Can we Recognize the value of what is being said and the speaker’s right to say it 
8. Engaging: Can we sincerely pay attention and Interact appropriately with the speaker, asking for clarification when needed 
9. Active listening: Can we listen carefully and try to understand the meaning of the message conveyed 
10. Interested: Can we be genuinely interested in the message conveyed 

Author: Nina Bhatty
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