"Do we have a Gratitude Attitude" ?

I want to begin by saying, I am thankful for you! in all your flaws, forms, perfections and imperfections and everything in-between, thank you for being YOU!

My hope is that families who come together on Thanksgiving can find a mindful space to notice an Attitude of Gratitude and invite others to not only share some of their personal thanks on this day, but also to remember this Attitude of Gratitude every day.  

Simply pausing to notice thoughts and feelings of gratefulness is indeed opportunity for expanding our minds and hearts, however, if we notice when recalling a grateful experience or directly expressing a grateful attitude to another, our hearts and minds expand both inwardly and outwardly; its an empowering experience that connects the feeling and thought to an application of gratefulness!  For example, we can write in a gratitude journal about how we feel grateful for an experience we want to recall (in the near or distant future) or we can verbally give thanks when we are served a meal by a friend or family. We can also pause and notice the many sources that are involved in the farm-to-table experience - farmers planting and harvesting crops, transporters loading and delivering to local markets, stockers displaying items in the grocery store, parents drive to and shop for items in the market, cashiers and baggers who sell, scan, exchange items for money and nicely packaged items;  It's a process that involves a lot of people and experiences - all who are vastly interconnected.  

In addition, if we are grateful for the food we are preparing to eat, when we sit down in our chair at the dining table, we can be mindful of our body sitting for just a few moments - for example, how each part of our body is making contact with the chair and our feet with the ground. How are all our senses engaging with the eating experience - taking a moment to pay attention with our eyes, nose and ears the various foods on our plate-its rich colors and textures and the smells and possibly how it sounds - is it sizzling or crackling? Can we pay attention to how we reach for and pick up our utensils and then how we scoop our food and then bring it to our open mouth and actually feel the texture and taste in our mouth as it lands on the various parts of the mouth before we begin chewing with our teeth. What is the sensation of chewing feel like - is it crunchy, soft, hard?  What does it feel like to swallow the food and notice the process as it moves down into our stomach?  If we pay attention, just for a moment, we may begin to notice a heightened sensory eating experience; it is quiet amazing! 

Can we take a few moments each day to list at least 5 reasons to be grateful?
Here are my 5 Attitudes of Gratitude for today: 
1. All my relational connections 
2. Clean and Comfortable Shelter & Healthy, Free-Choice Food & Clean, Abundant Water 
3. The air I breathe in and out (Mindfully 😊)
4. My healthy body that moves and organizes in ways beyond comprehension 
5. My commitment to grow in mind-heart-body ( Mindfully 😊)

"All that has been integrated into Mindful Communication has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions."
 ~Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., Founder Center for Non-Violent Communication 

​One of the most important questions that adults and parents I work with asks is, "how can I better connect with my child or partner?" They add that a lot of the time, there is conflict that begins with communication and that they often feel they are in a monologue with self, rather than a dialogue with the other; there is a breakdown in both listening and speaking, which creates irritation, judgment, blame and often dis-connection.  My response is  - we have to begin by looking within...and inquire how we are listening. By turning the mental-emotional compass inward, we learn this is where the focus should be. Only then can we begin to have real communication with another. 

Mindful Listening in Communication is so deeply powerful and empowering, we learn to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. This week we will focus on Mindful Listening in Communication with another.  Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others--Mindful Listening helps us discover the depth of our own compassion. This language reveals the awareness that all human beings are only trying to honor universal values and needs, every minute, every day.​  

Through the practice of Mindful Listening, we can learn to clarify what we are observing, what emotions we are feeling, what values we want to live by, and what we want to ask of ourselves and others. We will no longer use the language of blame, judgment or domination/control.  We can experience the deep pleasure of contributing to each others' well being.  Mindful Listening creates a path for healing and reconciliation in its many applications, ranging from intimate relationships, work settings, health card, social services, to governments, schools and social change organizations - just to mention a few. 

Here are Some Mindful Listening Tips we can Reflect on and Practice: 

1. Pausing: Can we allow all faculties - mind-heart-body to be present in this moment as we listen to the other intently
2. Observing: Can we take notice of the emotional tone and where the feeling sensations land within the body as we are listening to the message conveyed 
3. Joining:  Can we surrender all pre-conceived judgment, labels, beliefs, etc. and meet this moment and other just as he/she is
4. Opening: Can we listen with curiosity and without frequent interruption or objection
5. Responding: Can we be willing to hear what’s being said without an internal or external habitual-based reaction or turning the table
6. Accepting: Can we accept the message without imposing, resistance or denial
7. Respecting: Can we Recognize the value of what is being said and the speaker’s right to say it 
8. Engaging: Can we sincerely pay attention and Interact appropriately with the speaker, asking for clarification when needed 
9. Active listening: Can we listen carefully and try to understand the meaning of the message conveyed 
10. Interested: Can we be genuinely interested in the message conveyed 

Author: Nina Bhatty
If you found this article to be helpful and would like to offer some feedback, feel free to do so in the "comments" section below. Thank you! 

Parenting is an adventure!  It can be one of the most rewarding, exciting and joyful challenges we can endeavor. Yet parenting can also leave us feeling exhausted, frustrated and uncertain that we are fulfilling our role to its fullest potential - as parents, as adult role models.  Sometimes these challenges can leave us feeling at a loss with our thoughts, feelings and actions.

Mindful Parenting can serve as a framework whereby parents bring moment-to-moment awareness with intention to the parent–child relationship. Further developing the qualities of listening with full attention when interacting with their children, cultivating emotional awareness and self-regulation in parenting, and bringing compassion and nonjudgmental acceptance to their parenting interactions.

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, a pioneer in the field of Mindfulness, incorporating mindful awareness into parenting interactions can allow parents to pause and essentially shift their awareness in order to view their present-moment parenting experience within the context of the long-term relationship that they have with their child, as well as attend to their child’s needs, while exercising self-regulation and wise choice in their actions.  When a parent can do this, they shift the dynamic of parenting from a judging, self-focused and auto-pilot approach (which will likely lead to less than optimal quality in parent–child relationships) to one of  acceptance, child-focused and mindfulness.   Mindful parenting suggests that parents who can remain aware and accepting of their child’s needs through using mindfulness practices can create a family context that allows for more enduring satisfaction and enjoyment in the parent–child relationship. 

Here are 12 Mindful Parenting Exercises  we can reflect and practice as we continue our Mindful Parenting Journey (excerpted from Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn's Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. © 1997): 

1. Try to imagine the world from your child's point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every
   day for at least a few moments to remind you of who this child is and what he or she faces in the world.
2. Imagine how you appear and sound from your child's point of view, i.e., having you as a parent today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, and what you say? How do you want to relate to your child in this moment?
3. Practice seeing your children as perfect just the way they are. See if you can stay mindful of their wholeness from moment to moment, and work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.
4. Be mindful of your expectations of your children and consider whether they are truly in your child's best interest. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect your children.
5. Practice altruism, putting the needs of your children above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn't some common ground, where your true needs can also be met. You may be surprised at how much overlap is possible, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.
6. When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still and meditate on the whole by bringing your full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking, even good thinking, and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what needs to be done. If that is not clear in any moment, maybe the best thing is to not do anything until it becomes clearer. Sometimes it is good to remain silent.
7. Try embodying silent presence. This will grow out of both formal and informal mindfulness practice over time if you attend to how you carry yourself and what you project in body, mind, and speech. Listen carefully.
8. Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. In Zen and the Art of Archery, Herrigel describes how he was taught to stand at the point of highest tension effortlessly without shooting the arrow. At the right moment, the arrow mysteriously shoots itself. Practice moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome occur. Simply bring your full awareness and presence to this moment. Practice seeing that whatever comes up is "workable" if you are willing to trust your intuition. Your child needs you to be a center of balance and trustworthiness, a reliable landmark by which he or she can take a bearing within his or her own landscape. Arrow and target need each other. They will find each other best through wise attention and patience.
9. Apologize to your child when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing. An apology demonstrates that you have thought about a situation and have come to see it more clearly, or perhaps more from your child's point of view. But be mindful of being "sorry" too often. It loses its meaning if you are always saying it, making regret into a habit. Then it can become a way not to take responsibility for your actions. Cooking in remorse on occasion is a good meditation. Don't shut off the stove until the meal is ready.
10. Every child is special, and every child has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of each child in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.
11. There are important times when we need to be clear and strong and unequivocal with children. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness, generosity, and discernment, rather than out of fear, self‐righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid, domineering, and controlling.
12. The greatest gift you can give your child is yourself. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self‐knowledge and awareness. This ongoing work can be furthered by making a time for quiet contemplation in whatever ways feel comfortable to us. We only have right now. Let us use it to its best advantage, for our children's sake, and for our own. 

Author: Nina Bhatty.  
If you found this article insightful in any way, please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings in the comments section below.